When a person is trying to calm down mentally after a breakup or just get out of a past relationship, sometimes there comes a time when the person simply does not want to fall in love. If this is your case, then there is a way to learn how to control your feelings. This can be done by focusing on yourself for a while, outlining a plan for yourself that will help you not lose your head from falling in love. It will also help you to consider the reasons why you do not want to fall in love, so that in the end you can end an old painful relationship.
Method 1 of 3: Self-Concentration
Step 1. Announce to everyone that you want to be free for a while
If you're hoping to get rid of potential fans so they don't try to get your attention, be open about it. Let your friends, your family and friends know that you do not want a relationship at the moment.
- For example, you can add marital status to your social media profile: “not married”.
- If someone likes you, you can talk to him personally and say that now you do not want a relationship, that you only perceive this person as a friend.
Step 2. Get busy achieving your goals
You can avoid falling in love if you focus solely on your career and other goals. Make a "wish board" and remove anything related to relationships from it. Make a clear plan for achieving your goals and make sure you focus your full attention on it.
Keep in mind that being too single-minded in this regard can harm your relationships with others, especially if you cannot find time for family and friends
Step 3. For better self-control, ask others to remind you
It is impossible to completely distance yourself from potential partners. In any case, you will communicate with work colleagues and friends. To better control any strong feelings, ask friends and family for help. Say that you are not interested in a romantic relationship, ask them to control you.
For example, you might ask a coworker to remind you of this promise if she suddenly sees you giggling cutely at your new boyfriend's jokes. Your best friend will help you control yourself and stay away from the cute bartender if you're in a bar somewhere
Step 4. Educate yourself
It is important to be able to support yourself if you want to get rid of emotional changes and experiences. Begin to take care of yourself, your health and wellbeing all the time. Even if you do fall in love, continue to take care of yourself.
Taking care of yourself includes eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, resting, and spending time in activities and activities that you enjoy
Step 5. Fall in love with yourself
A great way to control yourself from falling in love with others is to try to love yourself. Sometimes people quickly enter into relationships when they feel unattractive and rejected. By giving yourself enough attention and care, you will not have an urgent need for someone else to do it.
- Remind yourself that you are an amazing and wonderful person, and remember your strengths and strengths every day. Take yourself out to a good restaurant, watch a movie, or go to a concert. Compliment yourself as your loved one. Pamper yourself and give yourself gifts.
- Also, when you show that you are self-reliant, that you love yourself, you are showing others how you need to be treated. When you get into a relationship, this person will know perfectly how to treat you. So take the time, indulge yourself and be filled with love, kindness and respect.
Method 2 of 3: Dealing with Old Relationships and New Falling in Love
Step 1. Move slightly away from the person
The most important aspect of controlling your feelings for someone is reducing the amount of time you spend with them, especially alone. Try to avoid this person. If you can't avoid it, at least don't spend time alone.
- For example, if this person asks you for a drink, offer to go out for a drink so you don't be alone with them.
- Instead, surround yourself with friends and family, positive people who cheer you up and make you feel wonderful. They need to understand your feelings and support you. In addition, they must respect your point of view and understand that this is your life.
Step 2. Block the person on social networks
Keeping in touch over the internet can also awaken your senses, so it's best to distance yourself. Remove this person from your social media friends. If you think this is too rude, you can download an application that will completely control the use of social networks - if you cannot log into Facebook, you will not be able to visit this person's page.
Disconnect social media when you think you are starting to harass this person online. You can download useful applications to your smartphone that will help you with this: Freedom and SelfControl
Step 3. Stop flirting
If possible, try to also limit the degree of this person's feelings for you. Sometimes, inoffensive compliments, touches, and glances can send a false signal that you like the person. So change your behavior.
If you do have to communicate with him, be polite but indifferent. Just use general phrases (“hello”, “goodbye”)
Step 4. Focus on the negative qualities of this person
When you fall in love with a person, you often turn a blind eye. You only see the good in him. To control your feelings, try to look at him more soberly and realistically.
Nobody is perfect. Make a list of the person's cons and flaws. As soon as you start catching yourself thinking about this person, go through this list
Step 5. Remind yourself that this person is not available to you
Maybe the reason for this is that he already has some kind of relationship. If the person has a loved one or a loved one, visualize his or her face every time you fantasize about him or her. This will help keep your mind clear.
Step 6. Remember that you cannot command your heart
Falling in love with someone and maintaining that love are two different things. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your heart still chooses that person. But if you are not ready for relationships and love, try not to maintain those feelings in yourself.
Admit that you like the person, that you feel good with him, but remind yourself all the time that you are not looking for a relationship right now
Method 3 of 3: Solving Relationship Problems
Step 1. Think about what your problems in love relationships are connected with
It's understandable that you want to push people away when you are simply afraid that you will be dumped or hurt you. But these thoughts can prevent you from finding a loved one who will be with you in life. Try to understand what drives your feelings. Write down your thoughts in a journal or talk to a friend.
For example, you may be afraid of being betrayed because you have had this experience in the past. Perhaps you are afraid that you will fall in love with someone who will make you give up your desires
Step 2. Think about your relationship habits
If you give too much when it comes to your love life, you might want to stop falling in love for now. However, reflecting on personal experiences and relationships will help change this situation for the better.
Ask yourself these questions: “What do I usually do in these situations? Do I have common patterns of behavior that affect the outcome? "
Step 3. Change your relationship habits
Cultivate new habits that will help you improve your relationships in the future. For example, you may be constantly dating clubs or bars. Probably, if you try to meet someone in a park or hobby club, you can find someone with whom the relationship will turn out very differently.
Maybe you push people away for fear of being abandoned. When the person leaves, you just feel unbearable. Try to give someone the opportunity to change that - and your relationship may turn out differently
Step 4. Try to draw attention to a different type of people
Another reason you may not want to fall in love is the constant choice of a partner of the same type. Perhaps you choose people who cannot be in a relationship, who influence you badly, or those who are simply not able to build relationships. Give preference to a different type - you may get a different result.
- Think about the types of people you usually fall in love with. When you’re ready to be in a relationship again, find someone who’s the complete opposite of that type.
- For example, if you usually go for the bad guy, pick a more conservative and romantic young man. Perhaps you are constantly drawn to free and flowing individuals who waste their abilities in vain. But you may find that a relationship with a more serious and reliable person will have a very different result. Change the type and watch!
Step 5. Take your time
Are you one of those who can fall in love after a week of relationship? If so, your rushing habit may be affecting your relationship. Try not to rush into the relationship, give each other more time to get to know the guy better and see if you are compatible - and only then lose your head.
Think about the pace of your relationship. If you’re seeing someone all the time, spend the whole weekend with them, then only go on one date this time, then wait a few days before seeing them again. If you usually have sex on your first date, give yourself more time before getting close to your partner
Step 6. Drop your fears
If you are afraid of love relationships and attachment, the only way to overcome that fear is to face it. Make a plan for yourself and start taking small steps to confront your fears.
For example, if you are worried that you will have to give up your desires and goals for love, you need to understand how important they are to any potential partner. In addition, in the early stages of a relationship, you need to prioritize, then the risk that you will stop paying attention to them is much reduced
Step 7. See a psychologist
Perhaps your fear of falling in love stemmed from emotional trauma, such as being used or denied in the past. Perhaps you are afraid to let someone into your life, because you are used to distance yourself from others. Whatever the reasons, a psychologist can help you find the cause and come up with a plan to help you overcome those fears.