If you are in a dysfunctional relationship, work in chaotic conditions, or if your family drives you crazy, then you are probably familiar with moments of emotional instability. It is important to remember that a person chooses a reaction to their emotions, even when emotions seem out of control. Sticking to mindfulness as a life approach and practicing a little can bring emotional stability to your life. It all starts with your decisions, but don't be afraid to ask for help if the need arises.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: How to Change Your Emotional Responses
Step 1. Compare emotions with the weather
Like a tropical storm, emotions are outside our immediate control. They are just as temporary and passing. You cannot just take and block an emotion, just as you cannot stop the downpour, but a person is able to control his reactions and take measures to eliminate the problem.
- Don't resist your emotions, just admit them without judgment.
- Allow yourself to feel the emotion, and then assess the situation and your reaction.
Step 2. Apply the art of reappraisal
Ignoring your emotions will not help you deal with them more effectively, nor will overly obsession with emotions. If your emotions get out of hand, force yourself to acknowledge your feelings. Assess the situation you are in, and also try to look at it in a positive (or at least less negative) light. The following questions will help you get on the right track:
- What are the positive aspects of the situation? In times of stress, it is sometimes very difficult to see anything positive. Try to find at least one positive point, even if it's just good weather or good health.
- How can you look at the situation differently? How objective is my current view? It is helpful to think about what a good friend of yours would say about such a situation.
- Can such a problem be presented as a stimulating challenge?
Step 3. Stabilize all of yourself
Positive emotions, positive social interactions, and our health influence each other in such a way that one aspect balances other aspects and increases overall life satisfaction and happiness. In other words, when emotions need to be stabilized, other aspects of life, including friends and general health, cannot be ignored. Therefore, it is important to focus on achieving "stability in life" and not just "emotional stability."
- Taking care of yourself includes eating well, exercising, and doing activities that make you happy (alone or in company). Take time each day to relieve stress and be in a good mood.
- Remember that even negative emotions contain useful information about the state of your life. For example, if you are depressed and tense all the time, then you should relax more often and do something pleasant.
Step 4. Consider mistakes and failures as opportunities for development
Mistakes and failures are a completely natural part of life. Success often only comes after a series of failures. These obstacles should be used as an opportunity to learn, develop and become stronger as a person.
- Do not dwell on a mistake, but think about what you have achieved and analyze how you can apply such experience to future success.
- Take a look back and evaluate how you respond to mistakes and stressful situations. Do such little things drive you crazy, prevent you from seeing the whole situation? What actions help you understand that you are in control of your reactions?
Method 2 of 3: How to Change Your Way of Thinking
Step 1. Learn to categorize your thoughts
Emotionally stable people know how to clearly distinguish between different aspects - they effectively make sure that the tense manifestations of life do not penetrate the positive aspects and do not spoil all the good that they have. If things aren't going well at work, decide not to think about work at home. If one aspect of your life is not going the way you would like it to be, then this is not a reason to bring negativity into all other matters.
Look into your thoughts and think about what generates your emotions and knocks you out of the saddle. You will only be able to isolate stress if you find the source
Step 2. Correct your memories
Memories are not as permanent as we want to think. In fact, they can change every time. For example, if you have troubled memories, make a conscious effort to dampen negative feelings. Instead of dwelling on the negative emotions that are stored in your memory, you need to choose a more neutral or positive aspect of the memory. Through practice, you will be able to build new associations around existing memories.
For example, if you constantly come back to the day you broke up with your girlfriend, then you need to try to focus on another aspect of the day. For example, what was the weather like that day? What were you wearing? What did your breakfast consist of?
Step 3. Replace negative thoughts with neutral ones
If you think of yourself in a negative way, it will be difficult for you to “think positively”. Try a more realistic scenario next time. Once you get into the habit of thinking in a realistic way, you can move on to positive thoughts.
For example, instead of thinking: “I am a terrible cook. It’s impossible to learn!”- it’s better to say to yourself:“If you continue to learn, then I will cook better.” This is a more real thought, which can be accepted by a negative mind, and not think: “I cook the best!”
Step 4. Practice mindfulness
“Mindfulness” is the art of being aware of the moment. In moments of awareness, a person is focused on what is happening here and now, and does not dwell on the past and does not worry about the future. You just need to use self-awareness and better understand yourself.
- Try to understand not only what is happening around you, but also your physical and emotional feelings. Just document your feelings and don't judge them. For example, you might say to yourself, “My knee hurts. I'm a little sad. The breeze blows pleasantly over the face. "
- One of the best ways to achieve a state of mindfulness is through meditation. In meditation, you need to focus on the breath, not think about anything else and immerse yourself in yourself. Temporarily free yourself from the maelstrom of life events and try to see the whole picture.
- If you don't know where to start, then try dedicated apps like Insight Timer.
Step 5. Question your thoughts and assumptions
The human brain has a unique ability to see, hear and think what it wants, regardless of the surrounding reality. Remember this every time you have unpleasant emotions. Assess the situation before you go on about your emotions and jump to conclusions.
- For example, if someone turns to you with an unfriendly voice or looks with a disapproving look, then you shouldn't rush to a conclusion and assume that the person doesn't like you or is angry. People are not always aware of how their gaze or tone of voice might be interpreted.
- If you're unsure of a person's thoughts or intentions, it's best to just ask. So, you can ask the question: “What did you want to say by this?” - or: “Did I upset you with something?”.
Method 3 of 3: How to Change Your Habits
Step 1. Develop social connections
There is an old African proverb "It takes a whole village to raise one child." These words make sense. Emotions are easier to deal with with a large support group. If you know that you can always lean on a friendly shoulder, it will be easier for you to deal with anything, even without actual help.
Conversation therapy can effectively treat a variety of emotional problems, and for this it is not necessary to consult a psychotherapist. If you find yourself in an emotional cocoon, then you need to speak out. You will notice that emotions find their way out after words
Step 2. Surround yourself with emotionally stable people
A wide range of acquaintances is important, but you should make sure that "your balance is positive". If there are people nearby who are prone to mood swings and are emotionally unstable, then you better move towards new acquaintances. The tendency to dramatize is contagious and emotionally draining. If your friends have this tendency, then try to spend less time with them or even cut off all contact.
In the presence of emotionally toxic people, anxiety, distrust, and fear can be perceived as normal. If you constantly feel exhausted after meeting a friend, you are probably friends with a toxic person
Step 3. Set healthy boundaries
If you are exhausted, depressed, or overwhelmed by a relationship with another person, then this situation may be a sign that you need to set healthy boundaries. Spend less time with him, ask him not to do things that get in your way, or simply refuse some requests.
- For example, you can say: “Sveta, lately I am very tired of politics. Could we not touch on this topic for at least a couple of weeks?”.
- A person can become upset or disappointed, especially if they are not used to hearing rejection and sticking to boundaries. However, good friends will respect your wishes, even if they don't really like them.
Step 4. Accept your own emotions
You've probably heard that "only he himself can anger a person." And this is true, because our feelings are born within us, and it is up to us to choose what our reaction will be. Just because someone touched your car doesn't mean that they made you feel a certain way. The next time you feel angry with someone, stop for a moment, consider the reasons for your feelings, and acknowledge that you have the power to decide how you respond.
If you think that the person is pissing you off, try not to get angry, but to take a deep breath and step to the side. Don't get into a fight. Don't stoop to obvious insults. Assess the situation and do not leave the calm zone. You will feel better and feel in control of the situation and emotions
Step 5. Notice the signs of codependency in a relationship
Codependency occurs when you become overly reliant on a person emotionally. Being able to notice these tendencies is the first step towards coping with them and becoming more emotionally independent. The sooner you begin to see yourself as a separate person with your thoughts and feelings, the sooner you will learn to control your emotions. Analyze your relationships with friends, partners, and family. Among the common signs of codependency in relationships are the following:
- low self-esteem, or a feeling that your relationship with others determines your value as a person;
- lack of healthy boundaries in relationships;
- the need to take care of a person to such an extent that it interferes with taking care of yourself;
- overreacting to the opinions and moods of other people (for example, you are only happy when the other person is happy, or very upset when he does not share your opinion).
Step 6. Remember to take care of yourself
If you don't eat, sleep, and take care of yourself, then you will not be able to cope with emotions. Before trying to break bad habits, you need to provide yourself with at least a minimal reserve of strength. The most basic needs should be met first. A person cannot run until he learns to walk.
- Maintain a healthy sleep schedule. The more you rest, the better your brain works. The better your brain works, the more logical and stable your behavior is.
- Eat a healthy diet. Poor nutrition contributes to the same well-being. Healthy foods are the key to a positive and correct mindset.
- Get exercise. You've probably already heard that during exercise, endorphins are released in the brain, which contribute to a good mood. If you're out of sorts, you can go for a short run. You will probably feel better after a workout.
Step 7. Pamper yourself
Not only those around you deserve a good relationship, but you yourself. Make time for activities that bring you joy. If you're in a bad mood or can't control yourself, then treat yourself like a good friend. A bad mood is a sure sign of the need to spend money and buy a ticket to a concert and a portion of your favorite ice cream.
Nice little things allow you to quickly calm down, look around and understand that you are coping with the situation. Life isn't perfect, but having a good attitude towards yourself shows that you always have a reason to stay positive
Step 8. Wait out the storm
It is important to remember that as a person grows up, they face emotional chaos and a lack of confidence. In other words, as we age, we become more emotionally stable. Over the years comes not only wisdom, but also a sense of calmness. If you're still young, then you don't need to be too hard on yourself. Surely your peers are suffering from the same emotional problems. Step 9. Seek help if necessary.
If your emotions cause constant stress, interfere with your work, study or relationship, seek professional help from a psychologist or doctor. They will teach you strategies for managing your emotions, or they may even be able to discover and deal with the root causes of problems.