People are capable of experiencing a wide range of emotions in a single day. Sometimes emotions take over us so much that they force us to say or do things that we later regret. If you find it difficult to control your emotions, then you are not alone. Most emotions can be tamed by becoming aware of what you are feeling and using practical strategies to control them.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Strong Feelings
Step 1. Understand exactly what you are feeling
Your emotional experience can be divided into three components: body language and behavior, subconscious reactions and thoughts. Sometimes one emotion can be quite clearly experienced, and sometimes a whole spectrum of emotions takes possession of us. Look at a few common emotions and their three elements to determine how you are feeling at the moment.
- Anger can be characterized by clenched fists, swollen nostrils, heart palpitations, sweating, and hasty mental conclusions.
- Scratching of the head or cheek, frequent blinking, elevated body temperature, and chaos in thoughts may be embarrassing.
- Disappointment can be expressed in heavy breathing, a lowered head, sudden bouts of nausea, the heart seems to constrict, and thoughts fluctuate from fear to hopelessness.
- Fear can be associated with elbows pressed to the sides, trembling, hypersensitivity to sounds and touch, a strong desire to run away or hide in the head.
- Envy can manifest itself in criticizing an opponent, grinning, burning in the chest, and making rash decisions.
- Sadness can cause tremors, chin twitching, sore throat, while the world seems to stop, you want to be alone.
Step 2. Pinpoint the situations that trigger your emotional outburst
If you are experiencing strong emotions, you need to identify the exact situations that caused them. This is especially important if you are often upset. Think back to the past few days or hours. Think about who and what you talked to.
There may be a specific person or topic that makes you feel strongly. The following people or topics can trigger strong emotions: family, friends, relationships, work, money, criticism, and broken promises
Step 3. Become aware of your thoughts about the situation
Once you've identified a person or topic that triggers your emotions, write down exactly what kind of feelings they evoke in you. Write down your emotions, for example, "I'm angry because …" or "I'm disappointed because …" This exercise will help you look deep into yourself and see what is stimulating your emotions. You may not have even known about these factors before.
Step 4. Find out if your thoughts are true
By writing down on paper what makes you feel certain, you can check how correct they are. For example, if you wrote “I'm disappointed because Denis didn't give me a birthday present,” you need to think about what is related to Denis's behavior and your own. Have you made it clear to Denis that you don't want a birthday present this year? Have you ever been unhappy with the gifts he gave you? Maybe he has financial difficulties and could not buy a gift? If you can find even one piece of evidence that justifies Denis's behavior, then you will prove that your reaction (disappointment) is illogical.
If you cannot find any evidence to support your strong emotion, then you need to look at the situation from a different angle. Strong emotions are almost always associated with some kind of irrational beliefs that are deep within us
Step 5. Develop adaptive-substitutional behavior
After you've thoroughly explored your thought patterns and behaviors for interacting with other people, try to make a plan for how you can behave healthier in the future.
- Consider the previous scenario about a birthday present. What did you do when you realized that Denis hadn't given you anything for your birthday? You could show passive aggression and not express your feelings openly, but at the same time perform disguised actions, for example, evade him, behave unkindly with him, destroy all his plans for the day.
- Think about how you could respond to minimize your, and if possible, his upset feelings. You can openly tell him that you expected a gift from him and now you are very disappointed. This may sound rude, but it will make you less frustrated if you know his true motives. Plus, he won't have to tiptoe around you, not understanding what caused your behavior. He will know how you are feeling, this will help you overcome your confusion.
Method 2 of 3: Become aware of triggers
Step 1. Consider when you shouldn't start a serious conversation
In some circumstances, it's best to postpone a serious conversation to keep your emotions from spiraling out of control. If you are going to talk to someone at a time when you are already very irritated and emotions have already flared up, remember 4 factors: hunger, anger, loneliness and fatigue.
- At such moments, we are especially vulnerable and our strength is running out. Remember, in the future, it is better to pause and pay attention to yourself before trying to solve the problem.
- Grab a bite to eat, do some relaxing practices, chat with other people, or just relax. Then reconsider the situation when you regain your strength a little.
Step 2. Become aware of how you are interpreting the situation
Emotions often get out of hand because of how we interpreted the situation. For example, an employer evaluates the performance of its employees at the end of the year. Some of the employees may say: "Oh, things are not as bad as I expected. At least they didn’t get fired!" And the other might say, "Well, what is this? I can never get promoted if I am not 100% successful." The way we interpret the situation gives rise to our emotions. The first employee may feel relieved, while the second will instantly worry. Our negative interpretations often result from cognitive biases such as:
- Over-generalization - when you think that one event has a big impact on all areas of your life, even though it doesn't.
- Dichotomous thinking - in other words, all-or-nothing thinking, this kind of distortion assumes that you only see everything in black or white and do not recognize the gray areas.
- Emotional reasoning - if you base your interpretations on your feelings at the moment, that is, if you feel ugly, then you are definitely ugly.
- Filtering - narrowly focusing on negative events in life, and reducing positive areas.
Step 3. Think about your beliefs about certain emotions
Our cultural situation and family upbringing have a strong influence on our emotional responses. People learn to manage their emotions based on models and imitate the emotions of those around them at an early age. For example, if a young boy was taught to never cry as a child, he may be careful about such reactions even as he grows up. He may have trouble expressing his feelings in front of other people. Or he will direct his emotions in a different, more socially acceptable channel.
- Remember what you were told as a child about showing or expressing your feelings. These early beliefs are likely to play a major role in how you express your emotions today.
- Anger is often referred to as an emotional umbrella, as it often covers up other emotions. People of different cultural backgrounds may, for example, find it more acceptable to show anger, but they may be inhibited by insecurity or sadness. With this in mind, try to look deeper, beyond the external emotional manifestations, to see deeper feelings that you cannot clearly define.
Step 4. Reflect on how other people are behaving towards you
If you find it difficult to understand your role in developing strong emotions, pay attention to the emotional reactions of other people towards you. All participants in the discussion play a role in what emotions arise in it, although, as we discussed above, your emotional reaction depends on how you interpret the situation for yourself.
Sometimes we are not aware of our body language or non-verbal expressions of emotion, but we see the body language of other people. See what behavior the other person is exhibiting. If he is behaving defensively (for example, crossing his arms or stamping his feet), ask yourself what might have triggered this reaction in your behavior
Method 3 of 3: How to Get Emotional Relief
Step 1. Try to breathe deeply
Deep breathing is a great tool to use in an emergency. As soon as you notice physical signals that a strong emotion is approaching (such as a rapid heartbeat, clenched fists, abdominal discomfort, and so on), you can immediately step aside and practice deep breathing for a few seconds or minutes. This will help you refocus and respond more meaningfully to the situation. This can be used for relaxation as well. Such a technique can keep you from rash actions, which you will later regret.
Breathe normally at first, as always, but focus on your breathing. Then take a deeper breath through your nose and expand your abdomen as if you were inflating a balloon. Place your hands on your stomach to track these movements. Exhale slowly, gently deflate the ball, that is, your belly. Repeat until strong emotional stress subsides
Step 2. Conduct a meditation on awareness of your emotions
Practicing clear mind meditation can help you overcome strong emotions such as sadness, fear, anger, and even jealousy. As a rule, to do this meditation, you need to take a cozy place where nothing will distract you. Cross your legs and close your eyes if comfortable. Take deep breaths in and out, paying attention to how your belly swells and contracts with each breath.
- After a few full breaths, remember the emotion you are currently experiencing. You may be able to recall the situation that triggered it. Continue breathing deeply and slowly. Become aware of how this emotion makes you feel in your body. Is your chest tight? Stomach cramps? Headache?
- After you become aware of the physical manifestations associated with this emotion, simply sit with the emotion. Accept it as a temporary, changing part of your being. Focus on this feeling of acceptance, keep breathing. If you notice that emotions are taking over you again, focus again on your breath and your presence in the room.
- People often resist strong feelings because they are afraid of backlash. By practicing mindfulness meditation, you will be able to understand that these emotions alone cannot harm you. They will eventually disappear. You can handle them.
Step 3. Exercise
Forcing yourself to exercise can be especially difficult, but it's worth it. Regular exercise will have a wonderful effect not only on your physical, but also on your mental health. Exercise lowers the levels of stress hormones in your body and increases the production of endorphins, which can lift your mood and act as natural pain relievers.
Find some actions that will help you burn away the residual effects of your feelings. If you feel angry, then to alleviate this emotion, you can run, box. If you are sad, a light walk or yoga class can help
Step 4. Engage in progressive muscle relaxation
If strong emotions cause tension in your body, take a few minutes to relax. Progressive muscle relaxation involves gradually contracting and relaxing various muscle groups in your body. This gives you the opportunity to release stress as well as feel where the tension is in your body.