So you've entered into a new relationship. And everything would be fine if it did not have to overcome shyness. But don't despair! Over time, this feeling will fade away, because you will develop with your partner and you will become more comfortable with him. However, starting a relationship can be very stressful. How to overcome shyness so that you can finally feel comfortable with each other? Several steps can be taken to stimulate this process.
Method 1 of 2: Overcome your shyness
Step 1. Understand the difference between shyness and low self-esteem
A lot of shy people are very self-loving and self-satisfied and have a healthy level of self-confidence. Don't feel that something is wrong with you just because you are shy. Your partner chose you because they liked your personality and shyness is part of it. Even if you want to work on it for your own comfort in the relationship, never forget that even with shyness, you can be confident and strong.
Never apologize for your shyness. Explain why you are reacting this way and say that you are working on it because you want to - the person should not get the impression that you are trying to be an extrovert out of a sense of duty
Step 2: Be honest about your shyness from the start
Research has shown that discussing shyness-related anxiety can reduce its effects. In addition, experts believe that exposing vulnerability is actually a good way to increase trust and intimacy between partners. Especially in new relationships, it is very important to discuss the topic of shyness from the very beginning. This will make it easier for you to communicate in the future, which will make your relationship stronger. There is definitely nothing to be ashamed of here, so be frank and honest about how you feel if you're stressed.
- Don't hold back your excitement to deal with it later.
- Share your feelings with your partner in real time.
- Don't get hung up on your shyness. Do not keep all emotions in yourself, and when you express yourself, move on to another topic.
- Let your partner comfort you (if they try).
Step 3. Relax and do not rush the relationship that is just about to begin
Since you know you are having difficulty with shyness, you may be putting extra pressure on yourself to make the relationship a success immediately. But it doesn't even work that way with extroverts. To stay happy, don't try to connect with your partner all the time, but spend enough time with yourself, friends, and family members you feel comfortable with. Do whatever it takes to be happy and your relationship will have a better chance of success.
Step 4. Get to know your partner better using technology
For most shy people, the main excitement is personal interactions, but when communicating via SMS or on the Internet, they feel more comfortable. Many new couples don't spend all of their time together, so keep in touch using SMS, VK, Twitter and other communication methods that will allow you to strengthen relationships and get to know each other better without the pressure of a personal conversation.
Step 5. Practice a new relationship with practice dates
If you feel anxiety when you are on a date with your new partner, try to go through the stages of dating without feeling the pressure of having a new person in your life.
- Ask a platonic friend or relative you feel very comfortable with to go on a "date."
- Go through all the steps: dress up, pick up a companion / let him pick you up, go to a restaurant and have a nice chat.
- Become familiar with the specifics of dating and try to take it as a routine when you are on a real date with your partner.
Step 6. Plan important conversations ahead of time
In the early stages of dating, we sometimes have to conduct fairly personal conversations, which can be difficult. For example, at the beginning of a relationship, you will need to talk about your hopes and dreams, fears and shameful actions, and also discuss feelings for each other. Plan for potentially important conversations ahead of time so you are ready when they come. Having some kind of script in your head will make it easier for you to open up.
- Make a list of your fears, hopes, and other important feelings.
- If you have to argue, consider a rationale for your position. Also, try to anticipate what your partner will say. The better prepared you are for all possible communication scenarios, the more openly and effectively you will communicate information.
Step 7. Let your significant other talk as much as she wants
If your partner wants to talk, let him do it and just practice being a good listener. This will allow you to learn more about your loved one and help strengthen the bond between you. It also takes some of the pressure off you, as you don't have to speak and come up with interesting conversation topics.
Step 8. Prepare topics for casual conversations
If you can't figure out what to talk about with your partner, do some work on it when you're alone to fix the situation. Watch the news, read books and magazines, and follow the pop culture you both enjoy (be it music, movies, or comics) so that the two of you always have new topics of conversation.
Step 9. Get in the habit of saying yes
Your initial reaction to the proposed activities may be a refusal, not because you do not want to do something with your partner, but because you need a few minutes to get used to this idea and agree enough. This can be as simple as picking up the phone immediately without waiting for the incoming call to end before you can call back later.
- Gently but confidently push yourself into situations that push you out of your comfort zone.
- Don't rush yourself! Start small and gradually take larger steps (for example, take a spontaneous romantic vacation).
Step 10. Go on casual dates
If a romantic setting, such as dining at an expensive restaurant, makes you feel anxious, lower the bar. Go on dates where you won't feel as much pressure from being alone and can enjoy hanging out in a more crowded place. Depending on your interests, you can go:
- to a sporting event where you can be among the crowd;
- to the museum, where you can discuss exhibits, and not personal information;
- to the cinema or to theatrical performance, where you can spend time together without talking.
Step 11. Breathe deeply to relax
Shyness often goes hand in hand with intense anxiety during social situations, and in relationships we are expected to be open and close. This can be a very stressful situation for a shy person! If you feel tension around your partner, do a simple relaxation exercise to calm yourself down and get in a better frame of mind.
- Take a deep breath for a count of four, and then exhale, controlling your breath as you exit.
- Repeat until the anxiety is dealt with.
Method 2 of 2: Maintain Open Body Language
Step 1. Make eye contact with your partner
Shy people often avoid eye contact, and while this is perfectly acceptable and perhaps even desirable behavior, if you are a shy partner, the extrovert partner is more likely to think that you are cold and indifferent.
- The eyes are an important communication tool, so frequent eye contact can feel exhausting.
- Over time, practice making more and more eye contact for a longer period.
- Practice with photos, pictures on TV, or with your parents if you are intimidated at first to look your partner in the eye.
- If you look your partner in the eye area (and not directly in the eyes), he will already be more pleased.
- It's easier to make eye contact when listening rather than talking, so start with the simplest.
Step 2. Don't cross your arms and legs
When we cross our arms or legs, our body communicates to others that we are trying to become smaller and withdrawn into ourselves. Make a conscious decision to maintain an open posture.
- Place your arms at your sides.
- Pull your shoulders back and push your chest forward.
Step 3. Copy the expression on your partner's face during the conversation
Even if you are not very talkative because of your shyness, this does not mean that your partner should take over all communication. You can non-verbally engage in a conversation simply by showing the same emotions that the other person is experiencing at the moment.
- If your partner is smiling or laughing, smile or laugh with him.
- If he's discussing something of concern, reflect the worry on your face.
- This will make sure your partner is still in the conversation and not immersed in your own world.
Step 4. Express active non-verbal feedback as you listen
Even if you are not very fond of talking, there are many non-verbal ways of interacting with a partner that give the impression that you are giving and taking much more than you really are. Techniques for non-verbal participation in a conversation include:
- smile or laugh at the right moment;
- compliance with eye contact;
- passing nod.
Step 5. Lean forward
Shy people often strive to create more physical space between themselves and others, but in a relationship, the partner may think that you are distancing from him and that you are not interested in him. Leaning forward and closing the distance between you will create a more intimate and secure attitude in your relationship.
- Never feel that you have to do anything. Relax!
- In a tense moment, do not put pressure on yourself or your partner.
- Just be confident because your partner needs to love you for who you are! Love yourself.
- Your partner must love you for your personality. If he doesn't like your shyness, then he is not who you need!