Each of us has bad thoughts from time to time - this is completely normal. You may be worried about an upcoming interview or presentation, or perhaps you have an unpleasant memory that you would like to have forever banished from your head. This article will guide you on how to deal with unwanted thoughts so they don't consume your mind. You may not be able to completely block negative thoughts, but you can deal with them in a healthy way: you need to recognize the occurrence of involuntary thoughts, challenge your thinking habits, practice methods to reduce the number of bad thoughts, cope with negative thoughts and accept them, and get social support to combat them.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Identifying and Challenging Negative Thoughts
Step 1. Determine what thoughts you want to change
To change your thinking, you need to know the specific thoughts and thinking patterns that bother you or cause unpleasant emotional experiences.
- An example of such negative thoughts would be, “I'm stupid. I can't do anything right. I know I won't succeed. I know this person hates me. I hate this man. "
- There are also special kinds of thinking habits or thinking patterns, such as catastrophizing, meaning you always think that the worst-case scenario will come true. Other similar thinking patterns include over-generalization (you think in terms of “always” or “never,” for example, “I always spoil everything”), mind reading (you think you know what others are thinking, for example, “I know, he hates me”) and predicting the future (you think you know what will happen, for example:“I know I will fail”).
- Make a list of the thoughts and thinking patterns you want to change so you can refer to this list later.
- Write down which patterns or habits you usually exhibit.
- Keep in mind that some thoughts that might be considered “bad” are actually just part of human nature. For example, sexual or “what if” thoughts stem from our desire for personal safety. The presence of such thoughts is normal, they come from positive instincts (for example, procreation and protection of oneself and loved ones).
- If these thoughts become intrusive or interfere with your daily life, then you may have to deal with the obsessive nature of the thoughts. But remember, that doesn't make the thoughts themselves bad anyway.
Step 2. Change your bad thoughts
Once you've identified your bad thoughts and thinking patterns, you can begin to generate and instill alternative thoughts.
- Pay attention when you have a negative thought. Define that thought and replace it with something more realistic and relevant. For example, if you thought, “I can never do anything right,” replace that thought with something more specific, such as “Sometimes I make mistakes, and that's okay. I am human. Next time I'll try to do better.”
- Catch yourself thinking badly and say to yourself, “Wait a second! This is not a good idea and it is not true. I know I could turn those thoughts into something positive.”
- A psychotherapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you with this process and suggest additional techniques you can try.
Step 3. Create positive constructs from negative ones
If someone asks you not to slam the door, the first thing that arises in your mind is the slamming door. When you frame something in a negative grammatical construct - “don't think about that” - then your brain must first think about this in order to remind itself not to think about it. It's pointless! Instead, create positive grammatical constructs.
For example, if you're worried about an upcoming interview, you don't need to think, "Don't forget your portfolio." Think, "Remember your portfolio." Instead of thinking, "Don't fail it." Think, "I will succeed."
Step 4. Think about the best outcome
If you can't stop worrying that something might go wrong, turn the script upside down and focus on the most positive possible outcome of the situation. Instead of completely ignoring what is stressing you, you let your mind think about what is occupying it, but direct your thoughts in a direction that causes you less stress and anxiety.
Step 5. Deal with bad thoughts about other people
If your mind is being consumed by bad thoughts not about yourself but about another person (“I hate this guy”), ask yourself why you have such a thought. Has this person done something bad to you? Is he abusive to you? Or is it something of yours, perhaps you envy him? When you have these thoughts, analyze your own emotions. What are you feeling right now? Feeling insecure, powerless, or isolated?
- Try to understand where these feelings come from. Have your parents always compared you to your older sister and used her as an example? Try to shift your focus away from what others are doing and understand what happens to you when you have these thoughts.
- Practice empathy by imagining the reasons for the behavior of these people. You may have a negative thought about your overweight friend, but you don’t realize that he was too busy caring for his sick grandmother and didn’t have time to go to the gym. Or perhaps the person who was rude to you suffers from chronic pain and lashes out at you because they are in great pain. The reason may not be entirely accurate, but it may be enough to calm you down and move on.
Method 2 of 4: Techniques for Reducing Bad Thoughts
Step 1. Create a period of worry and delay bad thoughts
Research shows that one of the most effective ways to deal with unwanted thoughts is to simply let them go their course. But this does not mean that you will have time to do it at any moment. Create a “worry period” -a set period of time each day that you can worry. The rest of the day should remain a worry-free zone.
- Set aside the same time each day for your anxiety period, this should be early enough so you don't get anxious before bed.
- If a bad thought comes to mind, mark it and tell yourself that you will worry about it later. You can even keep a notebook handy to jot down such thoughts, or just say to yourself, “I want to stay calm. I will come back to this later.” This thought may not even appear again.
- If the thought comes back, put a check next to it in your notebook. Tell yourself, "Yes, I'll take care of you, just not now."
- Return to your list during the allotted worry period. If bad thoughts or experiences still bother you, then you can think about them, but only within the set period of worry. If they no longer bother you, cross them out and move on.
- Delaying thoughts of what bothers you will get rid of the habit of dwelling on bad thoughts and disrupting your day, but at the same time it does not make you suppress or block those thoughts. If the thought continues to recur, you should talk to a mental health professional about it.
Step 2. Notice the bad thought, but don't cling to it
For example, when a negative thought arises, note to yourself that it has occurred. Perhaps it is something that you said to yourself out of habit, perhaps it is something in your environment, someone's words or actions that triggered a bad memory.
- When a person remembers something bad and gets involved in this memory, then he revives it and all those emotions, if he does not realize that this is just the result of the influence of some provoking factor.
- Once you become aware of this, you can postpone the bad thought for later, as described above. You can admit that yes, something unpleasant happened in your life, and you understand why you remembered about it at this moment, but you agree to put these thoughts aside for later, instead of reliving this memory over and over again.
Method 3 of 4: Dealing with and Embracing Bad Thoughts
Step 1. Agree that blocking bad thoughts is not easy
Studies have shown that it was more difficult for people to block unwanted thoughts when they thought it would be easy to do so. When it was explained to them that blocking any thought, even a positive one, is not an easy task, it was much easier for them to block thoughts that they would like to ignore. Therefore, you should relax and not put too much pressure on yourself. Pressure will only add negative thoughts!
Step 2. Let them go their own way
Research has shown that if we try too hard to distract ourselves from normal negative thoughts, our minds become so focused on them that they become destructive, intrusive. Another study found that people who distracted themselves from bad thoughts with music ended up ruining the music listening experience for themselves.
- A normal negative thought would be a scenario of “what if something bad happens,” such as a robbery. In fact, this is a rather natural and useful thought, as it reminds you that you need to close doors and windows at night and not risk your safety and the safety of your loved ones. Only when this thought becomes irrational - you never leave your home, buy two pit bulls and install a security system, even though you live in a quiet area with low crime rates - only then does it become a problem that needs to be addressed.
- Instead of trying to distract yourself whenever you have a bad thought, let it go its own way.
- If it's a normal negative thought, you can acknowledge it and act if necessary (your thought of being robbed reminds you that you haven't closed the window, so you go and close it). You can also try to thank your brain for trying to protect you and move on.
- If the thought persists, you can follow the process described in the first and second methods to deal with this problem.
Step 3. Develop control strategies
Each of us has negative thoughts from time to time. It will be easier for you to deal with bad thoughts if you have a plan for responding to their sudden occurrence at hand. Your strategy should follow the formula: "If such and such a thought comes to my mind, I will take such and such an action."
- The action can even be as simple as: "I recognize the emergence of such a thought, and I will not think about it at the moment."
- You can get up and do some physical exercise that will keep your mind occupied every time you have a bad thought. For example, 50 jumps with a show of hands.
- Use strategies to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions: get out into nature, do art, write, exercise, or pray.
Step 4. Practice meditation and mindfulness
Mindfulness meditation is a wonderful way to deal with bad thoughts. It will not “clear your mind” or stop the flow of bad thoughts - it’s impossible to control what may suddenly occur to you, but it teaches you to analyze those thoughts in a calm, objective manner. With practice, you will learn to let go of bad thoughts as soon as they arise.
- Find a location with as few distractions as possible.
- Sit in a chair with your back straight and your hands resting comfortably on your hips.
- Close your eyes and focus on the darkness. If you see colors in this darkness, you can focus on them.
- Just try to be aware of the present moment: sensations in your body, thoughts arising and leaving. The point is to be present in this moment with any thoughts that arise.
- When negative thoughts come up, acknowledge them and try to analyze with impartial curiosity. Where did this thought come from? Why do you believe this particular thought? Remind yourself that thoughts and feelings are impermanent, and your bad thoughts are not who you are.
- Do this every day for 20 minutes. You will need some time to learn to observe your thoughts impartially.
Step 5. Keep a diary
Sometimes writing down an idea and fleshing it out on paper helps your mind work through your problems. If a negative thought keeps coming back to you, write about it in your journal. Keep writing about it every day until it stops taking up so much space in your thoughts.
Step 6. Treat your thoughts as hypotheses
Don't make your bad thoughts more important than they really are. This is called cognitive diffusion. Everyone has thoughts they don't want - there is nothing special about that. In fact, even the very act of unwillingness for a thought makes it the center of your attention, even if it’s not a bad thought. For example, try not to think about the cute puppy right now!
- Do your best not to turn the fly into an elephant.
- Realize the fact that the presence of a bad thought does not say anything about you as a person, then it will quickly leave your mind.
Method 4 of 4: Getting Outside Help to Deal with Bad Thoughts
Step 1. Get support from loved ones
Social support helps people deal with negative thoughts.
- Ask friends, family, significant other, teachers, coworkers, or other people you trust for support or help in getting rid of negative thoughts.
- Get an outside opinion. If you find that you are unable to change your negative thinking, ask other people to help you come up with alternative ways of thinking. You will be surprised how useful this can be.
Step 2. Surround yourself with positive friends
If you are constantly in the company of people who resent and find only the worst in all situations, then you will tend to think in the same way. Reduce negative influences in your life, and spend your time with people who put you in a good mood. When bad thoughts are no longer part of your daily conversations, they are no longer part of your thinking habits.
Step 3. Turn to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
If negative thoughts are interfering with your ability to live a happy life, and no amount of your own efforts seems to make a difference, then it may be helpful for you to seek the help of a licensed therapist (psychotherapist or psychologist). A therapist can help you work through your bad thoughts in a structured, safe way.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a treatment approach that focuses specifically on changing negative thinking to improve emotional well-being and behavioral habits. This is exactly the kind of treatment that will help you learn how to deal with bad thoughts. CBT also helps with many different mental health problems, such as depressive, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Ask your therapist if they can use CBT in your treatment.
- Remember, therapy will not be a quick fix. Just a few meetings with a therapist won't stop you from thinking bad thoughts.
- Be patient and stick to your therapist's advice and your treatment plan. This will help you deal with bad thoughts more constructively.