Whether you're trying to beg for a new Xbox from your parents or an extra day off from your boss, being persuasive comes in handy. This article will help you develop this ability and become more successful in your career and life.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Set yourself up for success
Step 1. Look confident
Self-confidence, even if it is only a facade, is one of the most important traits of a persuasive person. If you are not sure about what you are talking about, then why should your listeners be sure about it? Maintain an upright posture, look people directly in the eyes, smile and speak evenly and with enthusiasm.
Step 2. Know what you are talking about
Study the subject of the conversation in advance. Find out everything there is to know about this subject. Your argument will not sound very convincing if you tell your listeners something that they know is not true.
- The resources for your research will differ depending on the topic of conversation. In any case, try to get the most accurate information from reliable sources. Also try to understand all sides of the given argument, even if you don't support any of them. Play devil's advocate!
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Step 3. Prepare for counterarguments
Most likely, your listeners will find several counterarguments to your arguments. By being willing to respond and challenge the most common counterarguments to your position, you will further strengthen your argument in the eyes of your audience.
Step 4. Be calm
Stay calm and keep bending your line. If you start screaming or whining, no one will listen to you or take you seriously. Be calm and friendly, then everything will go like clockwork.
Step 5. Develop an emotional connection
If you can, get to know your audience better before convincing them of anything. Develop a friendship with them, as if they trust you, it will be easier for them to listen to and support your argument. Even if you have only half an hour to develop such a relationship, do not neglect this opportunity.
- Depending on the situation, the ways in which these connections develop may differ. It is usually easiest to start with a simple question: "Can I invite you over for a cup of coffee?" While you are drinking coffee, talk to them about their life and work, and try to find out what they are looking forward to in the near future and what they are uncomfortable with. Help them with advice or in some other way, if possible. During this conversation, it is not worth mentioning your real goal, unless it is an urgent matter. Invite them over for coffee again after about a week, ask them again briefly about their life, and then start going into the details of your own business.
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Part 2 of 4: Understand Your Audience
Step 1. Know where they come from
Make sure you know where your audience is from. What is their socio-economic status? Do they live in a city, suburb or village? What country are they from? Do they have regular jobs? Our background greatly influences how we perceive arguments and what kinds of arguments work best for us.
For example, if you're trying to convince a wealthy customer to buy something that doesn't look rich at all, you might sell the item as kitsch or Americana. You can sell the same item to a less wealthy client as something that he really needs in life
Step 2. Assess how they perceive themselves
Do they think of themselves as highly educated, reasonable people? Do they perceive themselves in a more sentimental manner, as the hero of their own life story? How your audience perceives itself will greatly influence the kind of evidence you should use to convince them that your argument is absolutely correct.
- Talk to them for a while before starting your argument. Try to learn as much as you can about them. Listen to how they present themselves and describe themselves. Do they emphasize in their story how many degrees they have in higher education? Do they mention that they go to church every Sunday? Are they talking about their children?
- Another good way to learn how they perceive and process information is to introduce them into a conversation about politics. Pay attention to how they talk about certain issues or news. This will show you how they think.
Step 3. Unobtrusively mention the subject you want to talk to them about
Try "as if by the way" to mention an important topic to you in conversation with them. This will help you understand how best to take this topic seriously and how they might react. The more you know exactly what to expect from them, the better.
Try to mention a topic that is important to you as discreetly as possible. For example, if you want to convince your wife that you need to buy a new car, tell her that you need her opinion. Then tell her in detail about how your friend Maxim decided to make repairs in the hall (mention that the cost of repairs is approximately equal to the cost of a new car, and that the income and expenses of your families are very similar), but he does not know how to tell him about it wife. Maxim asked you for advice, and you, being an exemplary husband, decided that your wife would give more correct advice in this situation. How your wife will assess the potential reaction of Maxim's wife to an offer to repair will help you understand how she herself will react when you offer her to buy a car, as well as what arguments she might put forward against buying a car
Step 4. Carefully observe the reaction of your interlocutors
When you say something to someone, always try to notice their reaction to what is said. Observe their face, their body language, and even subtle indicators such as changes in their breathing. All this can give out what exactly your interlocutor thinks about what you just told him.
- Holding your breath indicates anticipation of something, while a quick exhalation usually indicates surprise. Squinting eyes indicate suspicion or discontent, as do crossed arms. A relaxed body posture shows little interest or implied information, while an erect posture with a slight forward bend means they are interested in your words. If your listeners can't sit quietly in one place, it may mean that they are worried.
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Step 5. Change your approach as needed
If you want to be very convincing, you must be able to change your tactics in a matter of seconds. To do this, you need to practice this skill a lot, be flexible, and also be able to think through the situation several steps ahead of time. If you know how to quickly and correctly respond to the reactions of your audience, then you will definitely be a successful and persuasive person.
Part 3 of 4: Design your environment
Step 1. Choose the right time
Choose when to start expressing your position. Let's say you're a salesperson: you want to sell a couch to a customer when the customer is looking at the couch, not when he’s looking at the refrigerator, right? You should also take a close look at how long it takes a client to walk from one brand of sofa to another, choosing a suitable one, and you should not catch up with him at the exit, trying to impose a product on him. Timing is everything.
Step 2. Keep their interest
If your audience is not interested in what you are talking about, it will be harder to convince them to believe you. Always try to keep the interest of your interlocutors. Let them talk often and pay attention to signals that may show you that you are losing them (for example, if the other person starts looking at the clock, yawning, etc.).
- You can use an old teacher trick and suddenly ask your audience a question. Throughout the conversation, keep asking them questions from time to time, even if the questions are fairly simple, such as, "What do you think of this?" or "What would you do in a situation like this?"
- You can also hold their attention by making them physically move. Ask them to stand up, look around, or say something. Of course, first make sure these tactics fit the context of what you're talking about, and don't go overboard with them.
Step 3. Create a need
Before diving completely into your argument, set the stage by making your listeners understand that they really have a need for what you are about to talk about. Even if such a need doesn't really exist, create one. For example, if you are trying to convince your wife to buy a new PS4, tell her that lately it has become difficult for you to sit in one place, that you have become toil often idle, and that now you worry that these feelings negatively affect your desire. to be at home.
Step 4. Black out the other side
Take the most common counter-argument to your position and describe it in its most negative light. Make your audience think this counterargument is the worst choice or something to actively avoid. For example, if you're trying to convince your teacher to give you more free reading time in the classroom, show him research showing that most children don't have the ability to read in peace and quiet at home.
Step 5. Hurry up their solution
Let your audience know that they need to make a decision on your argument as soon as possible. If they only have a few seconds or minutes to think about it, it will be harder for them to realize that they don't really like your proposal very much.
Part 4 of 4: Close the deal
Step 1. Cultivate your language
When you convince your listener of something, choose your words very carefully. Use words like "we" and "together" instead of "me" and "you". This choice of words will help your listener to perceive themselves and you as one whole, as a group with the same interests, rather than perceiving themselves and you as two separate people.
Step 2. Use evidence
Always use evidence when trying to convince someone to do something. Explaining in detail all the evidence that works in favor of your argument will make you much more difficult to argue with.
Step 3. Refer to their logic
If your interlocutor values education, intelligence and facts, work on his logic to convince him that you are right. Construct your argument like this: "If you don't (A), then (B) will happen, because (C)."
Step 4. Address their emotions
If your audience is extremely emotional, your argument might sound like: "You should do (A), because otherwise (B) will suffer, and the consequences will affect (C, D and E)."
Step 5. Address their vanity
If your listeners value themselves above all else, structure your argument using the same formula as you would for an emotional audience, but this time show how negative the consequences might be for your listeners and not for other people.
Step 6. Help them see the reward
Help your audience understand what kind of reward they can get by succumbing to your argument. Show them all the benefits of your position until they themselves begin to think that your argument is really the best. Sometimes you may need to think a little about the possible reward options because they may not be the most obvious. You can also ask your listener directly what they want in the end for their efforts, or what they represent as a reward or reward. Good luck!
Advice
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Here's an example of a convincing conversation:
- You: I haven't seen you for so long! It's great that we were finally able to meet.
- Friend 1: Yes.
- Friend 2: Exactly.
- You: I had so many things to do this week that I didn't even have time to rest. I don't even remember the last time I went to the movies.
- Friend 1: What movie do you want to watch?
- You: I don't really care. I heard the Renegades got very good reviews. What do you want to see?
- Friend 2: I don't care either. The Renegades will do.
- Friend 1: Yes, I won't refuse to watch it either.
- Notice how you first bonded with your friends, then made them feel sorry for themselves, and then revealed a known fact. This is the best approach to convincing someone of anything. The key point here is that you never said directly that you wanted to watch The Departed movie; it was only implied in your words. You didn't force your opinion on your friends, expecting them to share it.
- If you are giving a speech, be confident.
- Empathy is the key to persuading other people. Say one thing, then watch your audience's reaction. If the reaction is negative, you said something wrong. If you saw a positive reaction to your words, you said everything correctly. Watch your audience closely, but don't worry too much. Everything is very simple.
- When your interlocutor has made a decision, you will no longer be able to convince him or her. Fortunately, most people make their final decisions at the very last moment. If you do come across someone who has already firmly taken a certain position, you have no choice but to convince the friends of this person that your position is right. Thus, even if he disagrees with you, having his friends agree with you will stop him from expressing disagreement with you.
- Don't go into too much detail. This may seem offensive to your listeners and they will no longer like you.
- It is generally better to show than to tell. Show your audience why you believe your argument is right and why they should believe it. Don't tell them what you think and why they should believe it. In other words, speak in hints, vaguely and indirectly, hint at some facts, and do not list them directly.
- If you have been verbally attacked, notice the attack and show in a calm tone of voice that it does not shake you. Never respond to an attack like this, because it might give your listeners a reason to think the attacker was right. It is best to respond to the attack with humor. You present yourself as cheerful and uncomplicated, and present the attacker as angry, serious, and self-righteous.
- Don't let your audience know that what you are saying is your personal opinion. Convince them that your words are nothing more than universal truth. Who can disagree with this?
- It's easier for people to agree with you if you say "Joe Biden doesn't know anything" than if you say "I think Biden doesn't know anything" or "It's clear to everyone that Biden doesn't know anything."
- Believe it or not, most people will react better if you say, “Can't I get through first? I have to get somewhere.” Than if you say, “Can I get through first? " If you start retelling your concerns and opinions to them, your listeners will think that you think your life and your points of view are more important than theirs.
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Here's an example of bad persuasion tactics:
- You: So guys, what movie do you want to watch?
- Friend 1: I want to watch Curse 2.
- Friend 2: Yes, me too!
- You: Oh, okay, come on. But I think The Departed would be cooler.
- In this example, you did everything wrong. First of all, you should never ask your friends for their opinion. This gave them a chance to make a decision and express it, which then led to you putting yourself in a position completely opposite to theirs, which usually annoys people.
- Use lyrical speech. What matters is not what you say, but how you say it.
- Don't use statistics. The more facts and figures you use, the more difficult it will be for you to keep your audience's attention, and the easier it will be for them to argue.
Warnings
- When you speak in front of people, most of them, especially the judges, will automatically assess your vocabulary. Try to use difficult words from time to time, but not too often so as not to sound out of tune.
- Don't be too assertive. If you put too much pressure on your interlocutor, he may disagree with you only because of the pressure. It is easier to convince someone you are on friendly terms with.
- It's even better if you can change the tone and intonation of your speech depending on what kind of people you are dealing with. Different people like different things, so if you want to convince a group of scientists, try using a lot of big, complicated words (but make sure in advance that you understand exactly what they mean), and if you are trying to convince the group of something farmers, on the contrary, try to use as few difficult words as possible. As a general rule, try to speak the language of your audience so that they understand you and believe you.