While all parents, with a biological predisposition, consider their children to be beautiful, not all people can recognize every child as great as dad and mom drunk with happiness. In fact, it takes a few weeks for each newborn to grow from this ugly duckling to a lovable toddler. This can lead you to find it difficult to give a real (and not offensive!) Assessment of your friend's or relative's child.
However, if you’ve met a child that you don’t find cute, try to avoid the urge to express how wrinkled, like an old man, the child is, and instead take a more subtle, polite approach.
Step 1. Before visiting your newborn baby, prepare yourself for the worst
What any mommy finds adorable may seem unpleasant or even terrifying to you. Preparing yourself that the baby might not be so cute can help you hide your true feelings and not hurt your mom. If you are someone who really doesn't like children very much, you need to delve even deeper into compassion reactions. Become bolder and forget about your usual cynicism or fears about children. In particular, remember good manners, primarily because you are going to be polite.
Step 2. Review the photos on Facebook or child sites before meeting your child
Luckily for you, parents love to share photos of their child online, which is one great and very personal way to prepare yourself for your first meeting. By looking at pictures of a newborn, you will get a better idea of what the baby looks like before you meet him or her. This way, you will be better prepared when the parents want to introduce you to their child. In fact, the child may even look slightly better compared to their images on the Internet.
Step 3. Think carefully about the time of your visit
It would be nice to delay the visit. Let your new parents know that you don't want to download them and want to give them more free time. Let them know that you will be coming in about a week to see the additions to their family. During this time, the child will become a little more attractive. This way mom and dad will spend more time caring for the baby, which will give you more opportunities to ask about the care, rather than about the birth (detailed stories about the latter can be really terrible and have negative consequences on your attitude towards the baby).
Step 4. Think about three positive things you could say about a baby
When it comes to the point where you don't have anything to say, have three points at hand that you can always make before the praise is complete. HOWEVER, choose your words wisely. In the classic Senfield episode, for example, about the "ugly child," a lone doctor friend visiting parents speaks of their child as "breathtaking" "- much to Elaine's mom's embarrassment … and then, to Elaine's absolute horror, in another scene, speaking out about Elaine as “breathtaking” too! In a feeble attempt to avoid talking about the baby as unattractive, Jerry Senfield and his motley company end up saying the baby is “waiting,” the last word has become an iconic code word for “ugly.” Instead of expressing tactlessness, think beforehand about what you’ll say. Choose words such as “sweet,” “cuddly,” “sweet,” or “soft” when addressing a child.
Step 5. Think about indirect compliments that you can give sincerely
Direct compliments can be a bone in your throat, but there are many polite and considerate ways to get around this. Here are just a few of them:
- Talk about how many hairs (or lack thereof) or the size of his or her legs and arms.
- Ask if the child is already trying to smile, and tell them that only a happy child is capable of this. No parent can resist the joy of having a happy child!
- Highlight one feature that is pleasing to behold. It could be eyes or tiny fingers, or the way a baby's fingers curl up into a ball. This works well whether you know about children or are good at having children of your own, as it shows that you will notice something about the child that matters to you.
- Another great way not to mention your child's appearance is to ask about their health. Just say honestly, “Wow, how healthy your baby looks!” Or something like that. Again, it would be strange to meet a parent who does not glow at the thought that he has a healthy son / daughter.
- Have a walk and just play with your child. Say something like "We woke up, stretched, smiled at the sun together, hello, sun, bell!" Simple childish babbling can take you away from talking about a child's unattractiveness.
Step 6. Focus on your parents
One of the best ways to avoid making comments about a child is to ask about the parents, especially the mom. Maintain eye contact with the parents and ask how mom feels, how having a baby changed their life, and what they like most about their new parenting status. Often parents, accustomed to visitors, talk about the child, discuss how they feel; this can be a good alternative to having to comment on the child. Avoid asking questions such as detailed descriptions of childbirth, or general comments or questions about breastfeeding. Stick to simple, mundane questions such as how much mom and dad sleep, whether having a baby made a big impact on their lives.
Step 7. Talk about the child short and sweet
Stick to your main points that you rehearsed before the meeting, and then focus on other topics. If you start talking too much about your child, you may corner yourself and end up saying things you don't want to say. If the mom keeps talking about the baby, step aside and let her talk for herself. Nod, smile and agree. Provide general answers to questions such as "Do you think she is the prettiest child in the world?" Your answer might be, "Yes, she is the most beautiful child." Step 8. Be silent after a compliment or simple compliment.
Nothing more needs to be said about this. You can always offer to hold the child, if it is appropriate, and, after being silent in admiration, show the peculiarity of the moment.
There is never a need to gush out compliments. If you find yourself trapped, stop immediately. Too many words are pointless
- Always find other topics of conversation in the room or your surroundings besides the child's appearance. If you are at a parent's home, praise the baby's or new clothes or toys.
- Remember how worried parents are before showing you their child. Focus on their admiration for the new miracle of life, rather than whether the child is cute or not.
- Present your baby with a toy or gift for mom to show you care.
- Be careful not to only comment on the baby's clothes. Parents will suspect something is wrong.
- Don't use words that suggest the child looks old. Sure, the baby probably looks like a shriveled prune, giving the impression of being old, but that's not what the parents of a newborn want to hear. Leave any comparisons to Yoda, or any other wrinkled object.
- Never tell the child's parents that you don't think the child is cute. Besides the fact that this is cruel and offensive, remember that this is just a child. Plus, you never know - Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston could have been an ugly kid as well.
- If you are unable to cope with your rudeness and say something about the child's appearance, say that he is funny or old, you risk losing a friend. Mothers of newborns are usually very touchy and protective of their child, because he is the fruit of their love.