Sooner or later, all people change. Changes can occur consciously and unconsciously. If you decide that you want to deliberately change yourself, then first you need to study your own habits, attitudes and appearance. Change is not an easy task, but a feasible one.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Change Your Habits
Step 1. Determine the desired changes
If you want to change yourself, then consider your daily habits. Which ones would you like to change? To develop new habits, you need to get rid of old ones. For example, if you want to make friends, but are shy and rarely go beyond your usual behavior, then you should consider new habits for which other people are needed.
- If you are haunted by anxiety and fear, consider how your habits can fuel your fears. Many people say that taking a break from social media makes people happier.
- Start small. Small changes are easier to come by than global changes.
Step 2. Prioritize changes
If you want to improve your health, then make a habit that will bring multiple benefits. For example, you can quit smoking to improve your health. This will make you feel better, can do simple exercises, and even save money.
- You can replace a bad habit with a good one. If you notice a tendency towards negative behavior (no matter which one), then come up with a positive substitute for it.
- Decide what kind of person you want to be, then consider all the habits that person needs. What's the easiest habit to change? Try to start with it.
- The basic rule is to start with the habit that is easiest to change, or with the one that harms you the most. Make the right decision.
Step 3. Use a reminder for a new habit
No matter how good your intentions are, if you only use motivation and memory to develop a new habit, you won't get very far. A good reminder is not about motivation or memory, but is related to an existing good habit. So, if you want to make your skin healthier by moisturizing it every night before going to bed, then perform this action immediately after washing your face, because you repeat this action every night. Soon, your mind will inextricably link this action with the use of a moisturizer.
Step 4. Repeat the new habit as often as possible
It takes a long time to acquire a new habit - from 15 to 254 days. Repetition is needed to establish the habit. Don't give up even if you are disappointed. If you find it difficult, then try to come up with a new or simpler stimulus for a new habit.
Step 5. Change the habit day after day
If you want to get rid of a bad habit for good, the idea of a long and difficult process can scare you and discourage you. Instead, imagine changing your habit for today and try not to think about the future. If the day is too long, then break it down into hours. If even an hour is perceived as an unbearably long segment, then try to refrain from the habit for at least 10 minutes. Breaking a long period into shorter intervals will make it psychologically easier for you to cope and avoid overwhelming emotions.
- If you are instilling a new habit, make sure to spend the same time on it every day. You'd better root it if it becomes part of your daily routine. For example, you can go out for a 10-minute walk every day after dinner, or visit an elderly neighbor at lunchtime on Sundays.
- Tell yourself that your job is to practice this new habit only today, not always. The next day, repeat the habit again just today and so every day.
Step 6. Take your time
Nobody forces you to change yourself in an instant. The feeling of failure limits you, so don't let it take over you! Focus on the aspects that you are good at. Be patient and trust that change will come over time.
- If you made a mistake and returned to the old pattern of behavior, then there is no need to worry. Just start over.
- There is no need to identify with old habits or mistakes made in the process of acquiring new habits. Focus on the kind of person you are becoming.
Step 7. Keep it simple
If changing a habit is too difficult for you, try breaking it down. For example, if you are trying to be kinder, first let another person take your place in the parking lot or hold the door for someone who is following you. You don't have to leave work and open a kitchen for the homeless to show your kindness.
- Such a large task involves many small steps. Pick one first.
- If you want to acquire a skill, then give it 10-30 minutes a day. Every day.
Step 8. Make a promise to the other person
One of the most practical steps to developing a new habit is to attract another person. This may be a close friend, but he must approach the matter responsibly. He must promise to control you and take his role seriously.
- Daily monitoring is considered to be the most effective. This allows you to stick to your normal daily routine.
- The other person may want to use this commitment as a way to change themselves. A partner who also wants to change himself is a great motivation.
- If you know people who also want fundamental changes in their lives, then you can join forces with them. In a group, you will be able to support each other and stimulate yourself to great things.
- Other people may notice changes in your life before you. Sometimes radical change is easier to see from the outside than from the inside.
Step 9. The system of consequences and rewards
When you work with others, you also dedicate them to your successes and failures. This determines the consequences of social motivation. If you are working on your own or spurring yourself on with more concrete consequences, then come up with incentives that will be your personal incentive. You can also accept negative consequences that will keep you from skimming.
- An example of a positive outcome is calculating the cost of buying cigarettes in a certain period of time and buying something more enjoyable for that amount.
- As a reward, it is enough to say "It worked!" every time you successfully establish a new habit.
- As a negative consequence, you can do unpleasant household chores every time you return to the old pattern of behavior. For example, if you are trying to stop gossiping and catch yourself telling a colleague the latest naughty rumors, then as a consequence, take at least an hour of time to clean up the bathroom and toilet.
Step 10. Be patient
It is important to understand that it will take you a long time to change yourself. The first changes may be too subtle, even if you are trying to instill very specific new habits in yourself.
- Remember the old saying: "The road will be mastered by the one walking." Each step brings you closer to your cherished goal, even if at first you do not notice it.
- Do not give up! The only thing that can prevent your changes is your own decision not to change. Do not forget about this and follow the above recommendations: if you always make an effort, then changes will not take long.
Method 2 of 3: Change Your Personality
Step 1. Believe that change is possible
To change your personality, you first need to believe that it is possible. Without this conviction, you cannot fix anything. Regardless of the circumstances, belief in the reality of change is the most important ingredient for success.
- Almost all of us grew up with the belief that our character and personality traits are the same. New research refutes this assumption.
- If you do not believe in your ability to change, then think about why this is possible now. Consider how you can benefit from those aspects of your character that you do not pay attention to. If your fears are holding you back from change, look them in the face.
Step 2. Select the aspect you want to change
Consider the "Big Five" personality traits that psychologists claim make up personality traits. Use them as guidelines to help you identify the desired changes. Once you can isolate a common character trait, develop small but concrete ways to change it. Be as specific as possible with the “What?” And How?" you want to change. The following are the Big Five personal traits:
- Openness to knowledge: includes your willingness to experiment, depth of emotion, curiosity, and tolerance for variety.
- Good faith: The personality trait, also known as work ethic, has facets such as self-discipline, methodology, competence and responsibility.
- Extroversion: If you are a shy person, you will probably want to improve traits such as assertiveness, warmth, sense of belonging to a group and level of activity.
- Acceptability: Implies traits such as sincerity, humility, trust in others, empathy, and altruism.
- Natural reactions: Assess your emotional reactions. Are you overreacting to minor events? Traits of a given personality trait, such as anxiety, hostility, susceptibility to stress, self-awareness, and self-indulgence, can be changed.
- If you do not know what you want to change, but feel the need for change, then think about what aspects are causing you inconvenience.
- If you can't come to a solution, then get help. The following people can help you: a parent, a close friend, a psychologist, therapist, a priest, or other trusted person. It is important to remember that you do not have to decide this on your own.
Step 3. Consider the positive and problematic aspects of the new personality traits
Before you start developing new character traits, think about how they can improve or worsen your life and how much they relate to your values. If you want to become a humble and complaisant person, but your values urge you to actively fight against injustice or wrongdoing, then a new trait will bump into your values and can cause discomfort and confusion. Think carefully about traits that run counter to your values.
Step 4. Monitor your feelings
The first thing to look at is how you feel about this aspect of your personality. People often shape their personality around personality traits. So, if you are irritable, then you will be unnerved by trying to get rid of this defensive aspect. You may be afraid that people will consider you weak or take advantage of you for their own purposes.
- The fear of changing your personality is quite natural! You need to acknowledge fear in order to overcome it.
- Plan how you will deal with the conflicting feelings that arise as you change your personality. Use positive affirmations, relaxation techniques, and mutual help to combat fears or prepare for change.
Step 5. Introduce yourself as a new person
To believe in the reality of change, you can imagine a new life with a new character and behavior. For example, if you think you can become an introvert, then imagine yourself energized by spending time with yourself. Develop the belief that sleeping peacefully in your bed is food for your soul. Imagine yourself enjoying your favorite solitary activity.
- To embrace new character traits, you have to let go of other ideas about yourself. For example, if you’re learning to rejoice at loneliness, then note to yourself all the times when you feel like a social outcast. Learn to make fun of yourself for such oversights.
- Watch out for other people who have the qualities you want. Try to imitate them in your daily life.
Step 6. Identify new role models
A role model is a person who embodies the lifestyle you want. When you introduce yourself as a new person, it doesn't hurt to watch people who already have characteristics that interest you.
- For example, if you are trying to be a more warm-hearted person, then pay attention to people who seem cordial to you and are happy to help others. What are they, what do they do? Imitate them to learn new things.
- It will be easier for you to make a difference in your life if you remember that you are also an example for others. Would you like others to do the same? Will the planned changes in your personality make you feel proud of yourself?
Step 7. Practice new personality traits
The more often you can practice new traits, the sooner they will become familiar to you. Use new properties in different situations, at different times of the day and night, so that they become a natural part of your personality.
- Don't miss out on opportunities to behave in new ways. For example, if you’re trying to act spontaneously rather than prudently, invite a new friend to go rollerblading. Be unexpected.
- If at first this behavior seems feigned to you, then you should not be surprised. Pretend until you believe it yourself.
Step 8. Use affirmations
Affirmation is a positive statement about what you believe in or what you want to believe. If you want to change yourself, then you need to change your opinion of yourself and your own limitations. Negative opinion limits you. Replace restrictions with positive opinions or statements.
- For example, if you think you are easily discouraged, then force yourself to believe that you have a lot of stamina.
- Write your own statement on a card and place it where you will see it several times a day. Read the caption aloud each time. Gradually, such a statement will become part of your consciousness.
Step 9. Find a mentor
A mentor or personality change counselor can help you identify the traits you want to change and also find ways to achieve your goal. You will be able to discuss your values and vision of your ideal, and your mentor will teach you techniques to achieve your goal, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, commitment and commitment therapy, and decision focus.
Method 3 of 3: Change Your Look
Step 1. Transform
Cut your hair, pick up new makeup, buy new clothes to reimagine yourself. If you are changing your life, then your appearance should reflect those changes.
- Most of us need to change our appearance approximately every five years. The clothes you wore to school may look outdated while at university. If you are a young professional, then it is time to change your university outfit to a business suit.
- Get ideas from photographs of people that match your idea of the desired lifestyle.
- While hair, makeup, and clothing may seem like a superficial approach to changing yourself, these aspects reflect your self-image. The world treats you according to how you look and what you think of yourself.
Step 2. Add color
Many people have worn the same color for years. If you have been wearing dark clothes since school, then it's time to dilute your wardrobe with bright colors. The new colors will create a new look.
- Get rid of the clothes you no longer like. Redefine your closet shelves and donate old clothes to the homeless to make room for change.
- Don't forget about accessories. A new belt, scarf, and jewelry paired with old clothing will help renew your look.
Step 3. Change your hairstyle drastically
Nothing reflects a change in a person like a new hairstyle. You can dye or extend your hair, cut your hair or even shave to change beyond recognition.
- Choosing the right hairstyle will help you look thinner, younger and healthier.
- Think of a hairstyle that you would never have dared to do before. Think about how it will affect your character.
Step 4. Simplify your appearance
If you are changing yourself, then you need to develop your new basic wardrobe. When you know exactly who you want to be, you will choose your clothes according to such ideas.
- Buy at least 10 wardrobe items that match the new style and work together.
- For each person, these will be 10 different items. The investment banker looks different from the artist's outfit. Try to choose the right clothes.
Step 5. Get a tattoo or piercing
Tattoos and piercings are no longer acts of rebellion. They can be a great manifestation of changes in your behavior and character. What will your tattoo mean? People often use images of a butterfly, mermaid, or other abstract symbols as a symbol of change.
- If you decide to get a tattoo or piercing, then use the services of a professional.
- It is important to understand that the tattoo will stay with you forever. Take your time if you are unsure of your decision.